FORMER SELVES

Carry the weight of a candlestick

Make sure the party’s lit

Fall in love with a paper clip 

As it harnesses the wood

Turn the speakers up 

Say hello to an old friend

Make amends with said friend

So there’s no remorse and no regret 

My how you have changed

Here’s a photograph 

of your former self

Look to it often

But don’t let it hold you back

Fainted at the door

Wondering what it’s all for

Held your head in hand

Called you names like Hoover Dam

Oh it’s been so long 

I know its never going to go away 

So why don’t you stay

you’re already in my heart 

and on my hard drive 

Crawl in empty bed

Turn the lights out in your head

Separate from mind

Burn the bridges of your design

Why’d you wait so long

Here take a photograph 

Of our current pretty selves

Our features have softened

But our hearts are hard as hell

Worst case scenario

We never move past this photo 

 

THE SOCRATIC WAY 

My heart is singing

Down by the evergreens

And she leans in

Clutching my lips

My heart is singing

Down by the evergreens

And I lean in 

Clutching the skin like it’s the last time

 

Please be good to me

And forge my signature

Please be good to me

Don’t keep me out of 

Major life decisions 

Worship no one 

if love equals pain I’ll have 

The Socratic way 

 

My heart is sinking 

Down in the in-between

And it leans in

Catching its last breath

My heart is sinking 

Down in the in-between

Afraid of strong wind 

And chronic disease 

 

We’re having heart palpitations 

righteous indignation

burning indigestion 

from keeping up with jones’s

mind your stuck up noses

it’s out of the question 

 

Please be good to me

And forge my signature

Please be good to me

Don’t keep me out of 

Major life decisions 

Worship no one 

if love equals pain and good equals gain

And choice equals fate

I’ll have the Socratic way 

 

A CERTAIN DIRECTION

I know whatever attracts me to you

Must be realized and not just in a dream

Please don’t let it end in my dreams

Reality prove yourself to me

Don’t let me down

Master of fate i await your decision 

 

in this shocking world post shock

i’ll never be the same again 

because everything you say leads me 

in a certain direction 

 

someone with your kind of intellect 

should rule the world

not only mine 

you stopped believing in love long ago 

theres so many things 

to devote oneself to 

it had to be you

 

in this shocking world post shock

i’ll never be the same again

because everything you say leads me 

in a certain direction 

 

How painful to recognize 

we won’t know all when we die 

I’ve read the old sutras and if they are right we will never die 

 

BLADE OF GRASS 

You came to me

On a blade of grass

You showed me things

That I never asked

To see before

Now I want more

You floated in

On a summer wind

You cast your spell

In the midnight din

On MacDougal Street

Corner of make believe

He’ll stay

 

Did I pluck you right out of my dream

Or a nightmare it would seem

Did I call you into being in my sleep

Where did you come from dear

 

You showed your cards 

In a sleight of hand

Too fast to see

But I played pretend

And laughed along

While I wrote you this song

I sometimes think

You were heaven sent

An angel wrapped 

In the weary scent

Of smoke and ale

Like tobacco 

Our love grew stale

 

MY DEMISE

I want to sink my teeth in your lips

Burn your flag with tortured eyes

Plunder and lay seize to your ships

Take your army by surprise

I’ll surround and you’ll surrender 

In the trenches where you lay 

All your troops in golden splendor

Ready willing to obey

 

The night is young

The moon is clear

Keep your enemies close

And your lover near

 

Soon my soldiers do betray me

Throw their weapons on the mound

Their hostility abated

When they have a look around

I’m the one who’s left surrounded

My position compromised 

Now that your poor heart has found me

I’m witness to my own demise

 

The night is long

The moon is clear

Keep your enemies close…

 

Why don’t you drop from the sky

If you believe in love

That’s what it’s like

 

I want to cut my teeth on your lips

Plant my flag upon your hill

Plunder and lay seize to your ships

But perhaps I never will

Now that you have me surrounded

My position compromised

And your poor heart has found me

I’m witness to my own demise

 

YELLOW AND BLUE

All the yellow’s lost

And it’s not returning

You’ll just have to go

Without any yellow

All the blue’s turned black

And a black sky hangs low

And you’re coming down

With somebody else’s cold

 

So you’re stuck in bed

But it’s really not so bad

There’s nothing else to do

But wait for yellow and blue

 

All the yellow’s lost

Some say it’s returning

Others live their lives

As if they’ve forgotten

Soon the black sky lifts

Enough to see your shadow

And this leads to hope

For a glimpse of yellow

 

You’re stuck in your head

But it’s really not so bad

There’s nothing else to do

But wait for yellow and blue

Get it out your head

That’s it’s really all so bad

There’s so much you can do 

Besides wait for yellow and blue

All the yellow’s lost

It was meant to happen

All the blue’s turned black

Who said life’s a sure bet

 

OK, I GIVE UP

Love, you screwed me up again

I chased your tail into a dead end

I thought you were a barrel of luck

Not an uninvited house guest on drugs

You're throwing shots from Bunker Hill

And you want mercy still

 

Ok, I give up

Just let me live already

Until the day I marry you

Mother says to walk away

And focus on yourself

If love is here and here to stay

It's not going anywhere

 

Perhaps it's wrong to tell you off

Good manners say I shouldn’t scoff at love

You probably know a lot more than I

What natural laws do I dare defy

At first we were holding hands

And now we're wrestling

 

Ok, I give up

Just let me live already

Until the day I marry you

Mother says to walk away

And focus on myself

If love is real and worth the wait

I'm not going anywhere

 

I see, you see me

We draw our weapons at the count of 3

Will I make it out alive

I'll leave that for you to decide

I'm playing with the big guns

And they're all shooting blanks

 

Ok, I give up

Just let me live already

Until the day I marry you

Ok, I give up

Just let me live already

Until the day

Until the day

All I want's to marry you

 

LITTLE BIT OF YOU

All things must end

All things must pass

I wasn’t looking for love 

But you found your way in

Like a snake in the grass

Now I have your name

Perched on my lips

The lips that you kissed

In all of my dreams

It was never like this

People will tell you what to do

Can’t do this, can’t do that

Oh no he’s not good for you

 

Maybe that’s just what I need

A little bit of you

While I’m figuring out me

It’s better than lying awake

Wondering if we 

Could’ve happened if I stayed

Now I know

But it’s too late

 

My mind is made

Unlike your bed

Now you’re combing your hair

While I stare and recall all the kind things you said

People will tell you what to do

Can’t do this, can’t do that

Oh no he’s just using you

 

Maybe that’s just what I need

A little bit of you

While I’m figuring out me

It’s better than lying awake

Wondering if we 

Could’ve happened if I stayed

 

Now I know

Now I know

But it’s too late 

To say goodbye

 

Baby you’re just what I need

A little bit of you

While I’m figuring out me

It’s better than lying awake

Wondering if we 

Could’ve happened if I stayed

 

But all things must end

All things must go

I’ll take a part of you home

In my head and heart, no

I won’t be alone

one day

Today, an idea has seized me: I will write a memoir one day. Well, it was more of a thought briskly scribbled into a notebook as the train neared my stop, 137th St- City College. I have lived here for 3 years exactly. And that’s all there is to say about that. 

So I’m writing a memoir. It probably won’t be finished for another 50 years, but what the heck. I’ve lived, perhaps many lives, and am here in human form in front of a standing desk, a human marvel, to tell the tale. The real inciting inspiration for this idea (which I will now attempt to bring to life) is Hoagy Carmichael’s memoir 'The Stardust Road’. I had finished it a couple stations before. Finished! A book I had finally managed to read to the end, and boy was it worth it.

Another influence is Steve Martin’s 'Born Standing Up’, which I mention here on the off chance (but I am a dreamer) that he will read this.

I just called my mother (Marina, you may as well know) and told her in all my subdued excitement that I have started writing my memoir. “Why so early?” she scoffs, deflating my dreams, “You’re still young”. Marina has a habit of offering the practical side to any matter. For instance, when I gave her the great news that I had been accepted to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, she responds with “How are we going to pay for that?”. 

The fact is, for me, being consistent is a consistent problem. I like to think that I simply belong to the ilk of Dadaists, artists that dabbled in, or rather invented and mastered, many different forms of creative expression from photomontage to the nonsense poem, lending credence to the belief that creativity is fluid and concrete identify futile. I think we can all benefit from this notion.                                

getihylld rehdyus webvertyy

webvertyy rehdyus getihylld

porcupine!

That’s a nonsense poem to prove my point.